Today I did one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. When Emily and I broke up, I was crushed, and didn't want to ever let go of the thought of us. Then close to a month later we tried being just friends. It was working alright for like two weeks, but then somethings happened in her life and it was like I took a huge step backwards. I started to smother her, I'm sure, even had words with her new boyfriend. Yikes I know. I wasn't mean, just...sarcastic, as is my nature, and somehow the two of us avoided anything too heated.

But I called her today because I didn't want to be a cause of more turmoil in her life, by mainly having her new bf hate me and get pissed because we still talked. I asked her what we were going to do and we've decided to give each other space again. We still want to be friends, but I have to let her make the first move. She's got a lot of crazy, stressful shit going on in her life, and so do I. I know I wouldn't be any good to her even as a friend if I didn't try to at least focus on me. I'm the only person I can fix.

My health is suffering because until today I've been worried sick about her, as I was accustomed to do as her boyfriend. But I can't keep it up, because that's not what she needs me to be anymore. I heard her speak to me today and it abolished my greatest fear for her, that she was giving up and everything we worked together to achieve this last almost two years was dead and buried. But she is so much stronger than what she was when we first met, and I've very proud of her and to have been with her. She taught me so much about love and music and most recently life, and I hope I taught her a few things too.

So, now I can give her space. For her, but also for me. She knows that she will always, always, always have someone in me that will be there when she needs me too, to never give up on her, to make her laugh, and encourage her to chase her dreams, because I have the same thing in her. The best way for me to help her at this point in her life is not to be her boyfriend, but being just her good friend. So, I will be. Come what may, Em. Come what may.

Out,
The-Undead-Poet
Ethan